My husband and I just celebrated our 24^th wedding anniversary March 3^rd, (26 years together) and we have had two forever feuds that don’t seem to have a resolution. They both involve the bathroom.

Toilet Paper:

The great Carroll toilet paper debate started back in 1998 when we moved in together. He consistently installed the roll direction cover the top of the roll and I like it dispensing from the back and under.

He would get annoyed at how I would change the toilet paper and likewise. Before cell phones, there wasn’t a lot to read in the bathroom besides shampoo bottles so we would just stare at our perceived toilet paper roll injustice and change it to our preferred distribution method.

Once the internet became a thing and we were all signed up with AOL, Joe was able to find the original toilet paper patent from 1891 to finally prove my method was indeed wrong. Smug Bastard. I hate his method because the toilet paper always sticks to itself and you have to roll to find the edge. He hates my method because he doesn’t like having to reach under the roll and he claims the toilet paper breaks off before his preferred square count is reached.

We still change the toilet paper direction every chance we get, because now it is just what we do. We don’t even speak about it anymore. It’s just passive aggressive roll changing.

I will say that I have raised two of our three kids right and they prefer my method.

Note: Before you come at me about me being grateful my husband even changes the roll, we don’t have that marriage. Joe has never ‘babysat’ or ‘helped me around the house’. We are a divide and conquer couple. If he is doing the kitchen, then I will run up and throw a load of laundry in, we never keep score. Am I lucky, absolutely! Even though I want to peel his face off somedays, I would choose him again and again.

Candle Of The Week: 

Toothpaste:

Joe and I were raised in the same tax bracket. Poor. Joe was raised by a single mom and I was second of 6 kids. There was no waste and we used everything and when something was empty, we repurposed it if we could. When Joe and I first got married and he was an E-3 in the Navy, frugality was key. I think this test-of-wills started when neither one of us would admit when the toothpaste was empty. We still scrape that M’Fing tube then bend and twist it until we are certain all the toothpaste is finished. On Monday morning this week I wasn’t about to fight with the toothpaste and Joe walked into the bathroom right as I pulled a fresh tube from the drawer. Victoriously saying “Tapping out?” Indicating I lost this round. The only reasonable reply was to mumble “Fuck Off” and he started whistling! He was giddy!

I love this man, but the Rocky Balboa fists in the sky victory dance was a bit much for a Monday morning. 😊

Stay Malicious - Lacie